(As inspired by the music and lyrics itself by Boyce Avenue)
The last time I remember feeling terrified was when I came to work and live in a very strange place. I don’t know how exactly I’m feeling right now, its been quite a while and I don’t recognize any other stronger feeling than anger and filial love. I’m pretty sure this is the closest I got to liking someone that I have overcame my obsessive-compulsiveness to my 7-hour-sleep routine. I understand the consequences of being on cloud nine right now, what I’m afraid of is how much it would hurt when it has to come to hitting bottom rock.
I’m trying to hold everything back as much as I can, its too soon to fall. It’s pretty amazing though, that my brain seem to project your face at all corners I look at, I can sense some of my neurons calling themselves as you that no matter how preoccupied I am there would always be a split second that a memory of you would kick in like adrenaline, it gives me the rush, butterflies and a skip beat.
I don’t wanna think about the possibility that you might not feel the same way I do, nevertheless, you came at a time I’m willing to loosen up from everything that makes me strong, for another shot at Love, “Find some peace and belief in this smile.”
And its terrifying. I pray that God will give you all the strength that we will both need. I can’t endure everything but I promise that I will be stronger. I may get easily frustrated and cry about little things just like each time we end a call. I know I can’t be like this if I want to conquer distance and time. I know its never gonna be as easy. If you ask me to trust you, then I will.
I’m on a relapse.
“Peter”. I can’t say the word without shedding a tear.
I just realized that I never lost someone i had very intimate relationships with since the day I was born. Peter was a first and I don’t think I’ll survive the second. I always had difficulties of letting go of things that makes me happy, i guess that’s not only true to me but also to most people. Death has a very remarkable way of bringing you sorrow if its accompanied by regret. It’s been around 2 years and I can’t seem to be able to move on from it. Each time I remember how he begged me to ease the pain, it feels like punching a hole right through my chest. It hurts too much I want to forget it.
I’m really sorry, Peter bear.
PMS: Worldly Known as the “Pre-Menstrual Syndrome” is a popular term for the female specie of this planet, and one of the most popular symptom is this.
Yogurt Icecream. (Frutti Froyo, Trinoma) I’m not a dessert person. I swear.
Grilled Squid and Pork Sisig (Gerry’s Grill, SM North Sky Garden). I could really use a napkin now. I’m drooling.
I miss my life back because of not only the people i left behind, but also because of the food I used to eat. I’m starving.
A Child is a gift from God. Some gifts need not to be solely from Heaven.
By the age of 30, I’m definitely trying In Vitro Fertilization in virtue of giving birth to several children given the circumstance I don’t get wed to a good man. But in any case I become deserving of somebody who can father my children;