I’m still upset about how you’ve forsaken me. For letting me be hurt, for the pain I have avoided for far too long. For letting me shed all the tears I have in my body. For that night I cried myself to sleep. I still forgive you though. I know you have your reasons, I know that you know the kind of person I am, that this happened not because I deserved it, but because you wanted me not to keep too much faith in humanity.
I have one favor to ask though, please take all my feelings away. I don’t want any of it anymore. All the concern,respect,compassion, the love I have for this man.
I don’t want any of it.
Take it all away and bring back my old self.
Make me who I was before, selfish,inconsiderate, insensitive,careless. That way im sure I would never be hurt. Make it stop. Make me strong.
This profession made me emotionally weak. I’ve used my heart so often I already forgot that I am suppose to always think.
I’m letting go. I’m too tired to even think about it, so take it all away dear God. I don’t want this feelings anymore.
Make me want to wake up to another morning. Give me all that I need to live another day and thank you for it. I want to be happy again, if that’s not too much to ask. Make me forget all of it, its just a very bad dream. I beg you, take all the feelings away and let me be done with it.
I hate you.
I wanna say it a million times hoping that all the feelings would be gone.
It was so bad enough that you’ve taken me for granted. How did you manage even breaking my heart?
All this time I haven’t been talking to you, I’ve been watching the list of shows I make while we talk. Those that you’ve mentioned that I haven’t watched. I almost finished the cartoon series of Avatar. I even watched Marley and Me despite the fact I hate watching sad puppy stories, just so I could better understand the things that interests you. I’ve read stuffs about your job, so I could relate to whatever gibberish you’re telling me. Your picture was still my wallpaper. All your messages are intact. All Because I was hoping so much you’re just waiting for my anger to subside. And that you know I would always be the first one to step up and clear the air.
What did you do? What did I do to deserve this?
I hate you. I hate you so much I want to pull out that part of my brain that remembers how you laugh, how you frown, how you close your eyes and try to sleep. I hate you for all the tears that I cried last night, for the tears that are falling down right now on my keyboard. I hate you, because I skipped taking my pills and now I have a terrible menstrual cramps. I hate you because I have still have to go to work with my puffy eyes,
I hate you for hating God right now. I begged him not to let me know or see that you’ve found someone else. I begged him to spare me from this kind of pain. I can’t believe how much I’ve fallen from you that I took 20milligrams of Montelukast and 30mg of Remeron just so I could fall asleep, and I also hate you because I did that. I hate you that my sister cooked and brought me food but I can’t eat.
I just hate you and that hurts so much you can be rest assured I will never forgive you.
(As inspired by the music and lyrics itself by Boyce Avenue)
The last time I remember feeling terrified was when I came to work and live in a very strange place. I don’t know how exactly I’m feeling right now, its been quite a while and I don’t recognize any other stronger feeling than anger and filial love. I’m pretty sure this is the closest I got to liking someone that I have overcame my obsessive-compulsiveness to my 7-hour-sleep routine. I understand the consequences of being on cloud nine right now, what I’m afraid of is how much it would hurt when it has to come to hitting bottom rock.
I’m trying to hold everything back as much as I can, its too soon to fall. It’s pretty amazing though, that my brain seem to project your face at all corners I look at, I can sense some of my neurons calling themselves as you that no matter how preoccupied I am there would always be a split second that a memory of you would kick in like adrenaline, it gives me the rush, butterflies and a skip beat.
I don’t wanna think about the possibility that you might not feel the same way I do, nevertheless, you came at a time I’m willing to loosen up from everything that makes me strong, for another shot at Love, “Find some peace and belief in this smile.”