Dear Peter: Love,Tin

We had this dog, he was then a very tiny thing walking shyly around the house. My father picked him up by a cemetery back then. It just took about 2weeks before he was able to cope up and feel at home. I remembered what my father told me before while on the act of stepping into the gate cuddling this little puppy; “Malaking aso to…”(in our language meaning; “This is a huge dog”, with complimentary reference to the naturally medium-sized native dog specie we normally have in the Philippines). We named him Peter after the memorial park’s name where my father got him. Months past i was waiting for the “huge dog transformation” We noticed he seem to be growing huge, but not “vertically” as what I’ve literally expected. He’s become quite huge,but in width.

Its never a problem having him around, for his first few months, he’s been roaming around trailing my mother wherever she goes inside the house, with my mother around he only comes near me if I’m eating so he can “puppy-dog-eye” me and get himself some of what I’m eating. I have this family feeling with our pets, I feel like I understand what their thinking and that the feeling is mutual. Peter has always been sweet, whenever I’m back home from training he knows the sound of the gate about to open, as soon as I get in,he would rush to me climb up to his feet up to my waist then back inside the house rushing like as if he’s so busy he could hardly say hello. We have this special bond he solely does with me, we call our game, soccer. We have a backyard with a bunch of dried husks, there was this one day he picked up one,looked at me and suddenly begun running away, he stopped by a distance watching me with the husk in his mouth waiting for me to catch up to him,so i did and thus begun the soccer game, I used my feet to kick it like a ball, he uses both his forefeet to try to grab the husk,bite it and run off. It’s always fun though I know for a fact he’ll never win, I feel him getting pissed at how much he cant take the “ball” from me. Both my cousin and baby brother already tried playing the same way I do with him,but Peter never played as gracefully and aggressively as compared to when he’s playing with me.

I was worried when I had to work 300kilometers away from home and I can hardly go back every once in a month. Peter had an accident and his back limbs were badly injured, it appealed to me his bladder broke,he had incontinence. The first time I knew it was when I got back home after the accident, my mom and dad deliberately did not tell me,they knew for a fact how much emotional stress it’ll cause me,the first time Peter heard me coming after the accident, he was crying and terribly growling in pain. I followed him through the backyard where he had himself isolated so I carried him back to where I can check on him and lay him comfotably, he could not walk with his back limbs he was was just dragging his  legs which eventually tore and bled. I tried to do whatever I can for him, surgery was not an option, we didn’t had doctors in town. We tried meds to ease the pain,help in the healing process,protected his limbs,cast and all but he eventually died in vain. I felt like I was not able to do anything at all, not even take some of the pain away,not even giving him a day of comfort. I felt this poor little thing asked for my help that I wasn’t incapable of giving since I was away. He just died and I knew days after because of the same reason my parents tried not to let me know. I remembered how my younger brother asked me for euthanasia, Peter had been crying all day and all night that we cant bare the pain he’s trying to overcome.

My baby you are one little strong angel. I feel like It will take more time than this for the moving on process. But I’m happy that God has taken the pain forever. I can see you being cuddled by God,I wonder how amazing that feels. Im not planning to be with you anytime sooner but baby I miss you.

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