Yeah I suck at it too.
Today, I make another life-changing decision. I know that the moment I walk out that door, I can no longer turn back. There were at least ten attempts on this goodbye moment before I was finally able to make it happen. I did feel like losing all the strength to empty my locker, to walk my steps away from the hall,to look at people in the eye and say the word that could launch a thousand more of that same word.
I have programmed my brain about how life is about people coming and going, I should never feel bad about it,how come I feel this way? Back in college, they thought us about how separation anxiety passes after the toddler years, again, how come I feel this way? I know the answer but I wanted to ask, maybe It’ll make it feel better.
I tried my best not to look at all corners, all walls, the hall, the door, the view out the window.
As I walk apart from people I may never be able to see again, I feel like my head’s gonna burst from stopping my tears from falling down like rain.
I feel miserable. This is suppose to be triumphant.
There’s no going back now. All that’s left is moving forward. I’m starting to realize this is how it feels as we advance in age. We lose a lot in favor of having something more to gain. Equivalent Trade. I’ve always believed in that principle. I prayed a lot that this is all worth what I’m gonna lose. Freedom, happiness, access to loved ones, my graceful years, amazing strangers.
I feel miserable. I feel like I’m floating in the air looking at myself move around, breathe, write while wiping all the tears falling on the keyboard.
She looks too sad. Too broken beyond any reasonable repairs and continues to break and mend, break and mend.
I wanna ask why Life is a cycle, just like everything in this world is, and yeah, why does even the world revolves around its own orbit?
I feel miserable. And so my defense mechanisms are way up high, All I wanna do is ask Why.
Apparently, I may not be able to find any reason just yet. Guess it will stay this way for now and I’ll just have to bear with it.