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Solitude and I

solitude

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I Dreamt That You Wrote Me A Letter

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There are dreams that tries to give us answers about questions that were never responded to in the past. Not that it still matters now, sometimes, shedding light to things that are already forgotten gives us valuable insights about what to watch out for in the future.

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100 Days to a Shot at Happiness

 

 

It’s been 630 days of worries, hardwork, tears, hard feelings and sadness.

 

It’s not at all that bad. I did achieve my goal of becoming a better person by being here. I may have had worsen my bad attitudes, but at least I appreciate the smallest and simplest things I had before I lost all of them temporarily, I learned to put another person’s concern ahead of mine and that’s a sign that I’ve changed. People come and go, there were a lot who went ahead of me, they all seem to be happy escaping from the despair in this place, in this institution. My job is bittersweet, it pays incredibly little compared to the workload, but in reality, people don’t seek for money all the time. Even if one thing pays very little, if it makes people happy, there’s no much reason a lot of people will leave. Afterall, happiness is always the key to saying we all have lived a good life, at least to me, that’s all I need.

100 Days.

I can finally count the days without a sigh. Since this day came, I feel better each time I step into the halls of my workplace. I got this relief I’ve been dying to have. Even if work’s still a messy hell of a place, I find laughing and smiling easier to do than it was compared to when I was counting a lot days more. Finally, I will have another shot at happiness. I may not have professional gratification, but I have self accomplishment, simply by being able to feed myself and others at times. By being able to push others to become better than their old self is enough regardless of the method I used, it’s gratifying enough that even if a lot of people hates me for my ways and my choice of words, I know one day they would realize I am not who I am outside my job. Nobody knows me well anyway, it should not hurt not to be missed when I’m gone.

 

I’m gonna be fulfilling one of my 2-year old bucket lists: CAMPING!!

Paradiso, La Union. I feel safe getting drunk here. So might as well put up that tent I haven’t bought yet and set off for a night camp.

Paradiso Beach Resort

 

 

Paradiso Beach Resort

 

 

I am that person who likes going back home after each long journey. The value of time being at home becomes more precious when you’ve been away for a while. I’m excited to wake up at 6 am to my own coffee cup back home, sitting back waiting for sunrise with my 2-years older parents.

 

Haaaaahh! It’s a long ride back home, but there’s probably nothing I wouldn’t give up for this view.

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Home is truly where the Heart is.

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Fixation: Why Some Girls Once Had a Monkey Collection

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Once upon a time a guy gave a girl a stuffed toy, apparently, it was a Monkey.

I usually receive stuff like this from my father back when I was very young. It felt different back then, It gave me incredible joy. Felt somewhat the same the first time I fell in love, when the story came to an end, these toys started to give me a very different feeling, over the years, as I’ve started to move on, it became an obsession.

I thank him for not giving me a teddy bear, All the sad Korean movies I’ve seen often has it.

The features of a stuffed monkey gives me a lighter feeling. Seeing those huge eyes, huge ears, huge mouth, the disproportion of the hands and feet to the arms and legs, plus the tail and the fact that Monkeys are funny animals are very comforting. Until now, I still feel the same way about it. I even brought the lightest, smallest, light packing-fit of them with me despite my current age. To better appreciate it, try looking at these and see how you feel when you see them this many:

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Calixto: named by one of my friends, Maoi.

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Baby Geny: That’s how I called my first boyfriend.

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Baby James: Fondly named after the son of a famous Filipino Celebrity.

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Calix: A Keychain my friend brought in from her first trip to the US, Maoi. It laughs.

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This was from Carla, the least person I would expect to give me a very precious item, she did anyway along with a hanky and I was very pleased.

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This is Dolo: One of the first few, given to me as a Christmas gift back in College.

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To make my stuff special if I was the one who bought it, I name it after my friends or I have it named by my friends, so this is Emps, named after one of my friends.

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Fudgeemon: Most of my stuff were named by Celine, one of my closest friends in college. She’s like the “priest for my children”.

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Geny Junior: Its a bag. Cool stuff for kids.

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Joshua: Named after the son of the same celebrity I was talking about. or at least mentioned.

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KangKang: I forgot the story behind the name, I know I had a boss named Kang and a friend with that nick name.

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I stole this from my professor’s house’s Christmas Tree. Her son was my friend.

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I lost this.

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Madox: Deus, my cyber friend whom I never met in person gave this name, I gave him as a remembrance to Sam. He was my sleeping buddy when I was living away from home before.

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Maria is the mother of Mira (below) that Hazel gave me. She’s so sweet.

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Monching is named after Raymund. One of my closest friends.

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Olah is my biggest and my sleeping pal. Celine gave that name to it. If I die, I’m gonna take this with me.

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Just a penholder. I think I bought it.

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Pervie has a last name: Ochoco, his mother is one of my closest friends too; Cecille.

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A cellphone cover.

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Given by Raymund.

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This one’s Ian the Simian: Venus named it, she was the one who taught me Simian was another word for Monkey. She’s a nerd.

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Every Monkey Collection has a spider monkey in it. From Jessica. Another close friend.

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From One of Celine’s ex-boyfriend.

I have one more without a photo because the camera broke before I had the time to upload the photo and lost the memory card. Too sad because that one’s from Brian, a friend I’ve known since I started drinking I guess.

And this one’s with me. This is exactly how I look like whenever I look at these things

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Diary of A Lonely Fellow Seeking for Redemption Part I

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One day, I’ll look for an institution who values their people above all assets they have. Who knows that without us, they are nothing. An institution who looks for their people’s welfare over profit. It’s a long way to go and so much blood to waste on a useless brick standing on a piece of land, but there’s nothing I couldn’t conquer. Dare me.